So really, this week, I have been comparing how I physically feel from last week. Last week I took vacation time and stayed home. We didn’t make plans to go anywhere. (Mainly because we planned to put whatever vacation money we would have saved up from extra in our budget and make new car payments. It has been worth it!) Most of you probably think that I stayed on the couch, in my pajamas, watching movies and snacking. I didn’t though. I actually surprised myself. Friday night and Saturday were spent in home improvement projects since Austin was out of town. Sunday was spent doing massive knitting on this commission project I’m working on. Monday was more knitting and a little relaxation, since Austin had the day off with me. Tuesday was cleaning day, Wednesday was finish up the cleaning and knit. Of course Wednesday was also the day that I realized my yarn choice was making the project turn out 3 sizes too big and I had to frog and start over. So Thursday I did knit like crazy to get back to where I was. But not on the couch, I hung out with a close friend all day in Abingdon. I literally didn’t stop moving or going all week, and I never once felt zapped. You know what I mean by zapped, right? You get up and go to work and work all day. Then you come home and you have to exert every last ounce of willpower to cook dinner and do some small straightening before you land on the couch and pass out at 8. I probably do that at least 2 days a week. Some days are better than others but I still get zapped. Even with the lower stress level at work now and the fact that I don’t come home crying.
So, I’m really trying to see what the difference is between this week and last but not really seeing anything other than this:
- This week I have to be at work 8 hours a day to get paid, 5 days a week.
- Last week I did not have to be at work at all.
I only slept in to 8 or 8:30 every day. Austin still had to get up at 5:45 every morning. So I don’t think sleep was a factor. To me, it is simply work. I know some women are amazingly good at this work and wife (and sometimes mom) thing. My mom was overly amazing at it in terms of juggling everything. But sometimes I wonder if we are good at something because we are or because we have to be. I know that some women are all about liberation. I am glad they can’t pay me less because I am a woman and I am also very glad to have the right to vote. There have been some very good things to come out of women’s lib. But I also feel there were some negative things that came about as well. Suddenly we were expected to work as hard as men and juggle our home responsibilities as well. And personally, I know I can’t work as hard as a man can. There’s a point where I break down or simply can’t go any further. I can use any power tool you put in my hand, but I cannot carry anything over 60 lbs. I think we women have been pushed to ignore our limitations, God-given limitations, in order to fill a role we were not designed to fill. God designed us to be women, to be something amazing. And now we are being pushed, and have pushed ourselves to be more and more like men. I know someone is not going to like what I’m saying but honestly, they could keep my paycheck if it meant I actually had the energy every day to keep my house in order and cook good meals every day and take care of the ones I love. I mean, I was able to keep dishes out of the sink everyday. I was able to keep things straightened. It amazed me at how much better I felt. I knew this was how it was supposed to be for me. So I guess my question is, do you ever feel that way? Do you ever feel that you are trying to fit yourself into something you weren’t made for? Leave a comment.